Chat Ed : Hello Jon, Ready?
Jon Holmes : Greetings weird night time people who should be in bed now!
Kiiiiiiitten : bed?
Zoob : HELLO!
emily bemily : hooray!
Paul From FetusSwing : Jon....youre still up!weird night time guy
Jon Holmes : ok good!
BIB FACETIOUS : WHY DON'T YOU DO AN EPISODE OF THE 11 O'CLOCK SHOW DRUNK?
Jon Holmes : I am yet to do one sober! I'm not actually up, I'm dreaming this chat.
Chat Ed : we've plugged cables into his brain.
Cookie : What did you do before the 11 O'Clock Show?
Jon Holmes : Ooh god, pushed trollies around in Sainsbury's! No. A lot of radio and some digital TV, so no one ever saw it! Or alternatively the 10 O' Clock Show.
Jon Holmes laughs
Malarky : how do you get your quiff so nice and prickly?
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : Mmmm. A more interesting question would be how I get my prick so nice and quiffy!
emily bemily : so how do you?
Jon Holmes : LOL, C4 employ fluffers that deal with me before every show.
Paul From FetusSwing : do you write any of your own jokes jon,or is it all scripted?
Jon Holmes : I do write some of them, they are invariably the worst ones!
inqiuisitive : do u think u have improved the show or has it got worse?
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : I think... yeah the whole team which is new has conspired to improve the show. But then I would say that wouldn't I!
Cookie : You work three half hours a week, and sit next to Sarah Alexander. Dream job or what?
asiss : So do you fancy Sarah?
Jon Holmes chuckles
winbar : hehehe now they get personal
Jon Holmes : Cookie - I only work three quarters of an hour each week, the rest a cyborg replaces me. asiss - I even know what kind of nipples she has! She'll kill me when she reads this!
Little_Miss_Naughty : Do you have a girlfriend?
Jon Holmes : Little Miss Naughty!! No but I like the sound of you!
emily bemily : hey!
justice of the peas : how are the animations so topical - surely it takes a long time to do them - or are they done live using some sort of magnet?
Jon Holmes : They are done by wizards who use an archane form of magic.
Jake : Is there a fantastic website where I can find out more about you and your comedy double act partner Andy Hurst?
Jon Holmes : LOL. Piss off Jake I know where you live! Yes there is, you know there is, it's www.jonandandy.com
Garan : Hi Jon, I have always liked the irreverent humour on the show, how hard has it been taking over from the established duo?
Jon Holmes : Blimey a sensible one! It's like when Les Dennis replaced Bob Monkhouse on Family Fortunes.
Jon Holmes laughs
Malarky : jon..have u had any sexual offer of any woman (or men) on the street since u started presenting the 11 o'clock show?
Jon Holmes : Tee hee, no erm... but I am looking forward to that. I did get quite an interesting offer from a stray dog.
emily bemily : I'll be the first, name the street
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : Quality Street, or Sesame Street.
ellie : is bulla as sexy in real life
Jon Holmes : In real life he's thinner than Posh Spice.
Freak : Are you related to Jon Holmes the porno star?
Jon Holmes : Yes, hehehee.
Heffer : is jon up for some cyber then?
Jon Holmes chuckles
Jon Holmes : Yes, again ; )
Chat Ed crumbles under pressure :
bob : i will kill chat ed if this dosnt get through! are the style wankers gonna get a bigger slot?
Jon Holmes : I have seen both of their slots and believe me, they couldn't get any bigger!
Chat Ed : oo
Malarky : jon..do you consider yourself a style wanker?
Jon Holmes : No, just a wanker.
Nethya : Are you and Andy going to be involved with the next series of the Now Show, I loved your stuff this year?
Jon Holmes : Ooo bless you. Yes we've been asked to do the whole next series in the New Year.
Iain Lee : What do you think you'll do after the 11'Oclock show?
Chat Ed : (apart from that)
Jon Holmes : I might ask you the same question Iain!!
james : Is there anything you wouldn't make fun of?
Jon Holmes : No!
Si : If you could have any job on TV what would it be?
Jon Holmes : Ooo, now... erm... I refer you to the Les Dennis answer Si.
winbar : does anything go on underneath the desk when the cameras are close up??
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : Mmmm right okay... yes but if I told you Sarah might stop doing it!
Iain Lee : Did Bulla use to be a wrestler? I recognise him from somewhere!
Jon Holmes : Why? Did you want to wrestle him, are you cat weasel from the 70s??
Zoob : What do u consider to be your biggest break?
Jon Holmes : Six in a game of snooker.
MANTIS : if you can change something about the 11 o'clock show, what would it be?
Jon Holmes : I'd put it on an hour later and call it the 12 o' clock show
Jon Holmes laughs
BIB FACETIOUS : DOES THE ITC GET UPSET AT SOME OF YOUR SHOWS?
Jon Holmes : All of them! So do the C4 lawyers.
winbar : Do you have anything to do with the show's production?
Jon Holmes : How do you mean?
winbar : as in content/writing/directing etc?
Jon Holmes : Aaah right ok, I do write some bits. The gig guide is all me.
petal : Does much get pulled from the show?
Jon Holmes : Yeah, right at the last minute when the lawyers stalk the studio with their evil scissors!
MANTIS : how long is your contract, one series or more?
Jon Holmes : What contract!?
Jon Holmes chuckles
Ric : So who would you like to shag from TV Jon?
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : The girl who said she wanted to meet me on the street earlier... erm... Nanna out of the Royle Family and that stray dog I mentioned.
Peter : Who do you think was your biggest influence?
Jon Holmes : Not so much a who as a what, the answer to that would be heroine.
Jon Holmes laughs
Chat Ed : God we're out of time already - so last three questions folks!
Jon Holmes : OK cool
Iain Lee : Are you a pervert?
Jon Holmes : LOL!!! I would have thought that was obvious just by looking at me!
petal : i'm glad you've taken over, iain lee was a chris morris clone.
Jon Holmes : thank you petal - I love you (if you're a girl).
petal : *swoons*
Jon Holmes swoons too
Jamie : what type of music are you into?
Jon Holmes : Jamie... music hmmmm... the song Hazard by Richard Marx is the best song ever written and don't let anyone tell you any different.
Si : If you could be any female TV character/presenter who would you be?
Jon Holmes : Sarah Alexander obviously cos then I could look at me nudey in the mirror, she is soooo gonna kill me tomorrow!
Chat Ed : OK last question.
MANTIS : how tall r u?
emily bemily : will you marry me
Freak : are you funny to yourself?
Chat Ed can't count.
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : OK, I'm taller than Sarah except she wears bloody great heels, emily bemily - send me a photo! Freak... no, just a bit sort of sad!
Jon Holmes laughs
Jon Holmes : Like a clown.
Malarky : oi jon..can i get a signed foto? methinks you're a funking gorgeous spunk :)
emily bemily : me too
Jon Holmes : lol
Raychel : and me
Moogle : Me too
Bulla2 : and me, even if im a bloke
Jon Holmes : I could send you a signed photo of that gorgeous spunk you mention Malarky, would that be ok?
Chat Ed : That's it folks! That went quick, eh? Thanks for coming Jon -
Jon Holmes : Anyone that want's a photo can print off the one of me on the front page of this chat thingy and forge my signature, or come along to the recordings and I'll kiss you all!!
Bulla2 : haha
Kiiiiiiitten : *is on her way Jon*
Raychel : BYE JON
Zoob : bye bye
Toksvig : bye jon darling
Jon Holmes : Thanks a lot guys! Bye for now!
Kiiiiiiitten : bubye me loverly!!!
206 : laterz!
Jon Holmes leaves the room
