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 “You were a great goalkeeper who made few mistakes, but this comment was a mistake, much like the one you made against Argentina that cost us the 1990 World Cup.”
Oh no you didn’t say that to Walter Zenga, RAI television host Enrico Varriale! Oh snap!
“Wow, I am so scared, I'm quaking in my boots.”
Zenga responds with a similar level of maturity
“Zenga will be fined. Behaviour like his yesterday doesn't do the image of the club any good.”
Says Catania director Pietro Lo Monaco, who was fined for saying Jose Mourinho should be ‘smacked in the mouth’
“It’s dark outside and I can’t even pee any more!”
That’s the kind of crucial inside knowledge you get in Cassano’s autobiography
“It was going brilliantly until the 87th minute. What took place next had not happened in a long time. It will certainly go into the hit parade of my Cassanate…”
Along with Antonio’s other top tracks, ‘Crazy’, ‘Losing My Mind’ and ‘Out of Control’
“It was just a little prank and it certainly wasn't me lacking respect for the opponents or the fans. What I did isn't against the rules. Was it an obscene act? No, I wasn't naked.”
Gianvito Plasmati defends the tactic of lowering his shorts to distract the goalkeeper during a free kick. The cheek! Both of them!
“I didn't see Plasmati pull down his shorts.”
We bet Matteo Sereni had a quick peek
“After matches there is a flash interview lasting one minute and then a Press conference for five minutes. You cannot compare the experiences, it is impossible. The English Press is fantastic.”
Who knew Mourinho would ever complain of too much media attention?
“I am certainly worthy of the Ballon d’Or.”
Meanwhile Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the clear winner of the Medal for Modesty
“What does Ibrahimovic need to win the Ballon d'Or? Probably some real support from the Italian Football Federation - that would be nice.”
Moratti wants the FIGC to ban Ibra from the big games so he has an excuse for not performing in them
“I would have to be stupid to think that Inter have a better chance than we do of winning the title.”
Juve’s Mauro Camoranesi calls everyone else in the country a dummy
“Del Piero and Ibrahimovic were an impossible couple.”
President Giovanni Cobolli Gigli knew the Swede’s flirtatiousness would doom them in the end
“Right now we are rubbish and the table makes painful reading.”
Nobody can accuse Philippe Mexes of sugar-coating Roma’s campaign
“Four-and-a-half months ago I was an Italian champion and then I found myself shut out and abandoned by everyone, without a club to play for. The Nerazzurri forgot me. All they had to say was that they didn't want me but I believed in them. Now I don't trust anyone.”
Hell hath no fury like a Cesar Aparecido scorned
“I played for Liverpool against Manchester United and that game had a different level of importance compared to the battle against Everton. It's the same thing in Italy and I am more excited about playing Inter than Torino.”
Momo Sissoko said Everton are like Torino. That really is insulting
“There has never been a designator who wasn’t at the centre of controversy. He has always had the role of lightning rod. Pierluigi Collina has broad shoulders and all of our faith.”
Antonio Matarrese also notes Collina looks a bit like a lightning rod, if you squint
“As for filling Pavel Nedved's role, I don't have the same characteristics as him, but I am ready to step in if that is needed.”
Sebastian Giovinco has already invested in a blonde wig
“There is an air that you breathe at Juventus that simply doesn’t exist anywhere else.”
Lippi loves the smell of Nedved in the morning
“[Mauro Zarate] can improve so much and at times he annoys me on the field because he is in love with the ball.”
Goran Pandev wants his teammate to keep his personal life off the field
“Everyone I meet in the city asks me for a goal in the derby. I always reply: I'll get at least two against Roma.”
Zarate never said when he’d score them…
“I don't watch Italian football TV programmes. I get bored and change the channel after 10 or 15 minutes because they show the same thing 50 times - isn't once or twice enough?”
Ibrahimovic doesn’t realise the importance of using cutting edge technology to insult a referee who had to make a split-second decision
“You journalists have created the real chaos surrounding Adriano.”
Massimo Moratti knows the hard-drinking reputation of Italian hacks
“Moratti, if you lend me Adriano then I will straighten him out for you. The Brazilian is like a free bird who causes trouble when you put him in the cage, but he would be great with us.”
Maurizio Zamparini’s offer smacks of part finishing school headmaster, part Fagin
“Del Piero? He was everywhere.”
Gian Piero Gasperini also thought the Juventus captain moved in a mysterious way
“Comparisons with Zidane? That happens with every new attacker in the French team whether it be Samir Nasri or Karim Benzema.”
Or with someone done for GBH, explains Yoann Gourcuff
“It's flattering the first few times because Zidane was an exceptional and unique player who made his mark on the French people.”
And, Gourcuff, on Marco Materazzi’s chest
“This is certainly the most horrible lead-up to a derby that I can remember. At this moment Lazio are the favourites.”
Roma director Bruno Conti cannot bear to see the Lupi become underdogs
“The foreign players know the derby in Rome is different to any other city. You feel it in the streets all year round.”
And after losing the Lazio players will feel it a lot more, warns Delio Rossi
“I know the comparisons with Maradona started from the first day I arrived and I have always said that Diego is football, while I just run after the ball.”
Ezequiel Lavezzi has a long way to go before matching Diego – he doesn’t even use his hands!
“I learned how the derby is experienced here and am pleased it creates such strong emotions. I wish I could play a match like this every week, for the sensations it creates, the fight, the ‘ferocity.’”
Luciano Spalletti is so disappointed he moved to Rome after they closed the Colosseum
“Things went beyond the boundaries of normality with Ibrahimovic’s moments of magic.”
Zamparini thinks Ibra should do a joint special with Derren Brown
“The toughest moment was after the surgery, when I was immobile for 15 days and my knees were so swollen. It was hell.”
David Trezeguet is lucky he can’t get pregnant, as he’d have puffy ankles for nine months
“But don’t forget Juve always frighten the opposition, whether we are in front or chasing.”
Trez sees the Bianconeri as more Hoodie than Gobbi
“Our real season begins next Sunday.”
Chievo Coach Mimmo Di Carlo takes being fashionably late a bit too far
“Roma can get back into the Champions League places. The important thing is that Francesco Totti is on the field at all times, even if he is rooted to the spot!”
Trezeguet expects them to mummify the captain and wheel him on for many years to come
“Chievo weren't lacking anything while I was there.”
Beppe Iachini only needed some goals, and points
“When you speak about Real Madrid you associate them with the history of the game.”
Which is handy, as Hernan Crespo’s Inter career is also history
“I have never seen the money back.”
Luis Figo is still smarting after he was fined pre-Calciopoli for saying Luciano Moggi was dodgy
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